whether it’s via IM, cell phone, over coffee or dinner, I have countless conversations with my single girlfriends about men, about our current occupation versus our life purpose, about setting standards, having rules and all the situations where we keep to them and those we don’t. it is these conversations that prompted me to do a workshop for single women only at the fusion conference.
being a single women isn’t easy, but it’s not purgatory or the 7th level of hades either. the purpose of my single women's session was to challenge single women to live their lives to the fullest. to not bemoan or complain about things they either need to accept or change.
at the beginning of my session, a guy walks up and lets me know in no uncertain terms how he might be feeling somewhat discriminated against since I didn’t do a session addressing the single men. well, I promised him (hey amos!) what I knew I could deliver…a blog about the topic. as a single woman, i know the hangups, struggles, and opportunities for growth that single women have, but i'm not schooled on those issues for single guys, so i reached out to a varied crew of fellas to get some answers and boy did they deliver.
I must say, the men who responded did so thoughtfully and honestly, and I learned a lot from reading their responses. so if you’re a single man, pick up some of the free wisdom offered here. ladies, let this post take you to school if you’re willing to learn. ☺
1. Find Your Life’s Work
“Most men are extremely passionate! Channeling that passion in to something healthy and productive is the goal. Our passion is what makes us extremely good and extremely bad. If the good can be expressed and the bad circumvented, we as men would be pretty much unstoppable.”
“Purpose is of paramount importance to a man's sense of self worth. That is why our occupation becomes so important to us, because we usually associate our self worth based on what we do well. From sports, to business, to our sex life, we usually love what it is we DO, and not necessarily who it is we ARE. Love for ourselves can only be found in fellowship with our Father, and only then can we say like David, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made! Marvelous are Your works, and my soul knows it very well!"
“Get a dream - find something that you can pour yourself into...wholeheartedly...with reckless abandonment. find something to do where the "doing" is its own reward. this will not only occupy your time and give you focus, but it has the unintended side effect of garnering attention from the women-folk. exhibited passion is quite the aphrodisiac.”
2. Identify a Mentor
“Since we mostly come from single parent households, men don’t live in households where they see the things they should be doing to keep a relationship alive and they aren’t being taught those things either. Soooo, I think having some vision for those things would be a challenge that we need help with.”
“Befriend a married couple - make a monthly appointment with that older frat brother whose love got locked down five years ago or perhaps an older couple in your church will let you slide over for Sunday dinner. its good and inspiring to see what these folks deal with and how they relate. it can help you identify what you want in a relationship and what you're not ready to take on in your life.”
3. Remember where you’ve been, Evaluate where you are, and Know where you’re going
“I think many single men have a hard time enjoying where they are because quite honestly they don't know where they are supposed to be. There are so many different opinions as to where a man should be at different ages and stages of life. "You should have graduated from college by now", "You should have this type of job by now", You should have a house by now", on and on and on. I think we need to find out where we (as men) are going before we can determine if we can enjoy where we are.”
“Don't forget where you've been: If you forget the kind of women you've dated and not clicked with and just fall into the rut of dating the same kind of woman over and over again because ‘That's what you're attracted to’ then you will find yourself in the same place over and over again, unhappy.”
“Search out and come to terms with your own demons, regrets, feelings of regret or resentment, and fears. More than anything else, these often hidden feelings and perspectives do the most to impede our happiness, growth, and accomplishment.”
5. Develop a Dating M.O.
“Wouldn't it just trip most women out if a man takes them out on a date and he rattles off his M.O. to them? He probably would have more women after him than he could imagine. Men are leaders, and nothing says leadership like SELF leadership. "Here are my standards and boundaries. I promise to respect yours as long as you respect mine."
“Men sometimes leave one relationship for another, or leave for another relationship before the first is even finished. Emotions take time to heal and to jump from relationship to relationship without taking time to heal and evaluate is not healthy. So sit you're bed hopping a-- down for a second, get your mind right and decide what you really want in a woman and a relationship. Then maybe you won't have to jump around so much from house of pain to house of pain and you can find something that will everlast (bad pun but I couldn't help it).”
“The odds of you meeting a quality woman while shouting "My name is [insert your name here]!" over the music around 2:00 a.m. @ Esso's is Slim and Shady.”
“You can't have sex with em all ... you think you can ... you will want to try to ... but you can't! the best thing you can do is find a woman that loves you, that you love in return and live happily ever after because there will always be a girl that's cuter, that has a better body and that's sexier but there will not always be another woman that can make you happy. Once those breasts start to sag and that a-- turns to flab you better be with someone you can love, live and grow with.”
“do NOT let society, your friends, your ego, or unchecked desire drive your partner selection process. Many of the ideals we have about women are void of the most important criteria and focus on surface characteristics that do not stand the test of time.”
7. Surrender to God
“Most men have a hard time with this, but we must trust our lives to the One who gave it to us. If we do what we can, God can do what He wills. The result will always bring us out on top!”
“A woman will only submit to you to the degree that you submit to God. Everyone (men included) are considered to be married to God, in essence God's wives. So in order to be a good husband you must first be a good wife.”
12.03.2008
11.24.2008
cd review: kanye west's 808s and heartbreak
there are only a few artists that get my money without a thought. no need to hear a single, see an interview, hear what inspired the music. among them: India.arie, eric Roberson, jay-z, and kanye west.
I bought kanye’s first one because everybody had been talking about him. my brother told me a year before college dropout released about a producer turned rapper rhyming with his jaw wired shut. so I purchased the cd and it did not disappoint. in fact that cd still gets some listens from me.
‘ye’s second release, late registration had me curious. his first two singles “touch the sky” and “heard ‘em say” weren’t soundscan bangers, but when I heard he was working with Fiona apple’s producer jon brion, I purchased the album just to see what these two creative minds would come up with. late registration also did not disappoint. it had texture. it felt experimental and I loved the orchestration.
graduation came out right on time. I can’t count how many Friday and Monday mornings I bumped ‘ye on my way to the office of my corporate job. graduation was celebratory and arrogant in all the right places. felt like ‘ye at his best…excluding “drunk and hot girls” of course. :O
now winter is on the way and I must admit I’m jonesin for a good new cd. looks like jay’s not gonna drop til next year and dre 3 stacks is content hopping on other people’s songs, so that left me with kanye and beyonce (who I’ll comment on later) to carry me through the end of ’09. I haven’t been listening to much radio or watching music tv so I hadn’t heard a single from yeezy’s new record, but I had heard the rumors of him singing t-pain style on the album. thankfully kanye and his people saw fit to post the album in its entirety on his myspace page so I could see what I’d be getting into.
after two full listens here are my thoughts...”love lockdown” is my favorite so far., with a nod to “welcome to heartbreak” and “amazing.” i also liked “bad news,” the only song on the album about his mom. (if you can tell me the sample he used here you get some points!) kanye has done a good job mastering the concept album. this album like his previous three releases is consistent and thorough. gone are the goofy skits that must be fast forwarded. gone is the mouthy enthusiasm.
you know what this record reminds me of? the roots’ game theory. game theory was a moody album, not the joint you’re gonna bump in your ride by any means, but black thought had some things to get off his chest and used the mic to do so. clearly kanye’s had a tough year, major breakup and the loss of his mother, and 808s and heartbreak was his place to pour out some of that emotion.
now…let’s talk nuts and bolts…rhymes? not really much to speak on. kanye is vocoder singing most of this album. the lyrics here are not so much cleverly written as they are bare bones honest and vulnerable. production? consistent, 80s, synthesized. if you’re looking for club bangers you’ll be disappointed here. the album is contemplative and melancholy, but because of its consistent sound, you can still listen to it beginning to end. out of 5 stars? I give it 3. it’s not the kanye album I’m used to, but after two listens I can’t say it’s a bad album either.
so all of this to volley back to you...what do you dig or dislike about the album?
I bought kanye’s first one because everybody had been talking about him. my brother told me a year before college dropout released about a producer turned rapper rhyming with his jaw wired shut. so I purchased the cd and it did not disappoint. in fact that cd still gets some listens from me.
‘ye’s second release, late registration had me curious. his first two singles “touch the sky” and “heard ‘em say” weren’t soundscan bangers, but when I heard he was working with Fiona apple’s producer jon brion, I purchased the album just to see what these two creative minds would come up with. late registration also did not disappoint. it had texture. it felt experimental and I loved the orchestration.
graduation came out right on time. I can’t count how many Friday and Monday mornings I bumped ‘ye on my way to the office of my corporate job. graduation was celebratory and arrogant in all the right places. felt like ‘ye at his best…excluding “drunk and hot girls” of course. :O
now winter is on the way and I must admit I’m jonesin for a good new cd. looks like jay’s not gonna drop til next year and dre 3 stacks is content hopping on other people’s songs, so that left me with kanye and beyonce (who I’ll comment on later) to carry me through the end of ’09. I haven’t been listening to much radio or watching music tv so I hadn’t heard a single from yeezy’s new record, but I had heard the rumors of him singing t-pain style on the album. thankfully kanye and his people saw fit to post the album in its entirety on his myspace page so I could see what I’d be getting into.
after two full listens here are my thoughts...”love lockdown” is my favorite so far., with a nod to “welcome to heartbreak” and “amazing.” i also liked “bad news,” the only song on the album about his mom. (if you can tell me the sample he used here you get some points!) kanye has done a good job mastering the concept album. this album like his previous three releases is consistent and thorough. gone are the goofy skits that must be fast forwarded. gone is the mouthy enthusiasm.
you know what this record reminds me of? the roots’ game theory. game theory was a moody album, not the joint you’re gonna bump in your ride by any means, but black thought had some things to get off his chest and used the mic to do so. clearly kanye’s had a tough year, major breakup and the loss of his mother, and 808s and heartbreak was his place to pour out some of that emotion.
now…let’s talk nuts and bolts…rhymes? not really much to speak on. kanye is vocoder singing most of this album. the lyrics here are not so much cleverly written as they are bare bones honest and vulnerable. production? consistent, 80s, synthesized. if you’re looking for club bangers you’ll be disappointed here. the album is contemplative and melancholy, but because of its consistent sound, you can still listen to it beginning to end. out of 5 stars? I give it 3. it’s not the kanye album I’m used to, but after two listens I can’t say it’s a bad album either.
so all of this to volley back to you...what do you dig or dislike about the album?
10.24.2008
back from sacramento, cd recording, podcast interview
back from sacramento
ladies and gentlemen, i survived that ridiculously long flight to sacramento. no offense to all my west coast people, but i'm good if i don't fly west for awhile, unless i can be completely knocked out for the whole trip! LOL on the way there, kimpossible and i took some tylenol pm (thanks for the suggestion on that phil) in hopes of being knocked out for the duration of the flight. um wrong answer. a cute lil boy in front of us found a way to make the most piercing noise to express his dissatisfaction for THE ENTIRE first leg of our flight. now seeing as how his parents were having a hard time handling him, i have to be truthful. i normally don't try to handle other people's children, but the thought of pinching that lil boy like your mama used to do in church crossed my mind more than once as it became apparent that there would be no sleeping on this flight.
while i'm venting let me say that all this charging some airlines are doing now is getting out of hand. charge to check your bag, charge to eat, charge to drink. i'm wondering if we're gonna have to start paying to go through security too! (end of rant)
on a more positive note, been back from sacramento for a couple of weeks and now it's time to get geared up for nywc pittsburgh. gotta give some sacramento shoutouts!...to kimpossible, my manager, sister, and friend, thank you for your insight, the laughs, and your encouraging words. i appreciate you! to my sacramento volunteers destiny and ashlee', thanks for helping a sista's merch table to run smoothly. to clete and the bigstuf crew thanks for the great video behind the poem. looking forward to doing it again in pittsburgh. to spencer...not even sure if you're on myspace but thank you sir for that run dmc shirt! you get mad respect for naming those run dmc songs on demand! and to phil and natalie thanks for letting a sista utilize your studio to record the new poem i wrote for nywc "seriously ridiculous" which can be downloaded on my myspace.
podcast interview
thanks to kevin gibson from worshipodcast.com who interviewed me a few weeks ago. we talked poetry, writing, worship, and i'm sure i told an ignorant story or two! :) check out the interview in it's entirety at www.worshippodcast.com
new cd recording
at the beginning of this year, i had the chance to be a part of a live recording for sublime, the high school ministry at north metro church in kennesaw, ga. well the cd is complete and you can get a hold of it at www.isublime.com. you'll find poems "you," "to worship you," and a scripture piece called "inside out" on the cd along with some songs you'll recognize plus some things written specifically for the project. shoutout to rob greene (got the cd in the mail. thank you!), the sublime staff and students, and the band from the live recording.
ignt youtube video
ok so between my tries at video blogging and the things i've typed here, you have probably figured out that my airplane adventures can get kinda ignorant. lol well courtesy of kimpossible, you can now experience for yourself what's it's like to sit next to me on a flight. this footage was shot on the second leg of our flight, after the no sleep debacle during the first leg. enjoy! lol
10.20.2008
Andre 3000 Benjamin Bixby Clothing Line Launch
Had a chance to swing through the Atlanta launch event for Andre 3000's clothing line Benjamin Bixby on Thursday, October 16. Inspired by 1930's Brooklyn style, the line is complete with tweed, old-style suspenders, and crisp, clean, button-downs. An excellent reflection of Andre's cool eclectic style. Check out the pics!
Upgrade Your Social Life: Salsa!
Okay, if you've been checking out my blog the past couple of months then you know I've been wanting to get my salsa on for quite some time. Well, I went to two really cool salsa events so far and had to reportback on them. I LOVE salsa! It's a great way to meet people, and the best way to learn how to salsa is to get out there and dance! No leaning against the wall!
Shout out to Raymundo, for deejaying at both events and for teaching me the bachata. Thanks to Julian for the thorough salsa lesson! I felt like I nearly knew what I was doing. :) Thanks to Marvin for being a great salsa partner! Here's more info:
Salsa @ Paris on Ponce – Antique store Paris on Ponce houses a free salsa lesson and party every last Sunday, from 1 to 5pm. Free snacks, free water, free vino, and live performances. www.salsapop.com (check out the pic!)
Havana Nights - Every second Friday at Salsa Havana, 8:30pm until you can't dance anymore! $5 cover. 1 hour lesson.
10.06.2008
Voting Do’s & Don’ts
We interrupt your regularly schedule program of reporting on social upgrade shenanigans to report on a more important topic!
VOTING!
In the state of Georgia, Monday, October 6, is your LAST DAY to register to vote for the November presidential election. Check out the following do’s and don’ts to make sure you can cast your ballot.
DO get registered! No excuses! You can register online, at your local public library, election office, and at your college registrar’s office. If you haven’t registered, DO IT TODAY! If you know someone who hasn’t registered, gently apply some good old peer pressure. It’s for a good cause. ☺
DO make sure your current address matches the address on your license. Voting in a county different from the one you live in can cause your vote not to count.
DON’T wear t-shirts, buttons, headbands, jersey socks, or earrings tricked out with the face or name of your favorite candidate. Direct quote from the Georgia secretary of state election site: No person may campaign; distribute literature of written or printed matter of any kind; wear campaign buttons, signs, pins, stickers, T-shirts, etc.; circulate petitions; or perform similar activities within 150 feet of the building in which a polling place is located. Check the polling place policy in your state.
DO your research. Be an informed voter. Make yourself aware of the issues not only on the presidential side of the ballot, but the senate, house of representatives, judges, and other pertinent races in your county and state.
Check out these sites:
Nationwide: Rock the Vote, Vote for Change
GA residents: Ballot, Georgia Election Guide 2008
VOTING!
In the state of Georgia, Monday, October 6, is your LAST DAY to register to vote for the November presidential election. Check out the following do’s and don’ts to make sure you can cast your ballot.
DO get registered! No excuses! You can register online, at your local public library, election office, and at your college registrar’s office. If you haven’t registered, DO IT TODAY! If you know someone who hasn’t registered, gently apply some good old peer pressure. It’s for a good cause. ☺
DO make sure your current address matches the address on your license. Voting in a county different from the one you live in can cause your vote not to count.
DON’T wear t-shirts, buttons, headbands, jersey socks, or earrings tricked out with the face or name of your favorite candidate. Direct quote from the Georgia secretary of state election site: No person may campaign; distribute literature of written or printed matter of any kind; wear campaign buttons, signs, pins, stickers, T-shirts, etc.; circulate petitions; or perform similar activities within 150 feet of the building in which a polling place is located. Check the polling place policy in your state.
DO your research. Be an informed voter. Make yourself aware of the issues not only on the presidential side of the ballot, but the senate, house of representatives, judges, and other pertinent races in your county and state.
Check out these sites:
Nationwide: Rock the Vote, Vote for Change
GA residents: Ballot, Georgia Election Guide 2008
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