10 Ways to Stay Awake at Work

today has been a good day, a productive day, but nevertheless a long one and right now…a sista is sleepy. but I will not shut my eyes for any amount of shuteye until I finish this blog! which reminds me of another place I always used to find myself feeling sleepy…at work. I have absconded many of these ideas from true, reality-tested, office-worker approved, cubicle alertness tactics. I really wish I could use a couple of them right now to keep me from putting the mac down and laying it down myself…for your weekly enjoyment…?

1. create a crunk CD or playlist.
crank up some lil jon, an old remix of whoomp/whoop there it is, some seriously metal rock music…anything irreverent and loud will do. don't be a softie! Kenny g can't save you from the uncontrollable headnod. just don't listen to too much public enemy at your desk, the man doesn't take too kindly to you yelling, "fight the powers that be."

2. talk to the resident talk-a-holic.
yeah, you're seeing their face right now. you know the one. they never have a lack for conversation. always have a story to tell or some epiphany or revelation from an oh-so-interesting weekend…wait…I think I was that co-worker! lol by the time he/she finishes telling you about the third date that seemed like an episode of tales from the crypt, you'll find you're not yawning anymore. nothing ups adrenaline like a good scary story to tell in the dark.

3. take a walk.
understand the art of doing your work and appearing to do your work. as long as you are seen at your desk typing or looking pensive at least three times a day, couple of passes in the hall with a notebook and pen, a little business convo in another co-worker's cube, and you're good to go. taking a walk is much better than being found snoring at your desk. trust.

4. indulge in an internet break.
so you have the most boring assignment at your desk. every time your eyes scan the words, numbers, spreadsheet lines, you feel exhausted and nauseous. open yahoo, espn, amena brown's blog, whatever's your speed and let reading a couple of headlines be your reward for doing some work. this counts as one of the times you can be seen at your desk looking pensive.

5. snack!
you're not up on your cubicle game if you haven't stacked that desk drawer chock full of snacks! nobody said you had to share 'em. this ain't elementary school, trading my fruit roll-up for your gushers! keep your snacks a secret if you want to, but get some! peanuts, popcorn, candy…ahem…ok as a health PSA look up superfoods and get some of those in your drawer, as a chocolate lover myself I encourage some candy every now and then, but be warned…it will send you crashing…which will send you to one of these other ten tips.

6. enjoy a caffeinated beverage.
I'm personally a starbucks fan. that portable frappaccino is almost as good as the sleep you should have gotten that would help you to not be in the nodding off position you're in now. some trust in red bull, others in coke and mountain dew, I choose starbucks. and I'll let you know when they start paying me for these endorsements.

7. call a lifeline.
I know you want to be a millionaire, so start with taking some cues from the game show. this is when it pays to have ignorant friends. this is why you should befriend the witty, the goofy, the closet comedian, because in a drowsy moment like the one that is sure to hit you at about 2pm after that too big lunch, you need somebody to make you laugh so quietly loud in your cube that your stomach hurts. call the friend that you would never put on speaker phone and be assured laughter will send you the right endorphins to make it to five o' clock.

8. go home and start again tomorrow
note: this is only for the privileged, the contract employees, the graphic and web designers, for those of you who have the cool job where you can wear crocs and slightly inappropriate tagline tees. your boss is too busy tossing the nerf ball to your work team to be worried about whether or not you are chained at your desk. for you, cool co-worker, take advantage of your flexibility, go home, watch oprah, take a nap, and finish up your work from that cutting edge laptop the company gave you. yes it is possible to finish up that last assignment while watching reruns of the office. sho ya right.

9. take a nap.
note: this is only for the brave, bold, completely rebellious, and desperately fatigued. now…choose a secret location, a bathroom with little to no traffic, or maybe your own office if you're privileged enough to have one and get a power nap. notice I said power nap, not afternoon nap. this nap has to last no more than 20 minutes. again, your goal is to make it to 5 o' clock, not to make up for the sleep you missed last night. nobody told you to try and watch the whole season of lost in one night.

10. chew gum.
this was one of my favorite work pastimes. my flavor of choice was dentyne fire, the cinnamon one. they are not paying me for that endorsement either, but when they do I will post 10 ways to get an endorsement for your reading enjoyment. chewing gum helps digestion, chases away cavities and the like, and gives your brain something to focus on besides the dim lighting and quiet in your office.

did I miss any tips? did you stay awake through that whole thing?! that's big blog talk can you answer me?! sorry…I had a flashback, but if you can tell me what song that line came from I will surely give you a blog shoutout…priceless. ?


Anonymous said...

It was very interesting for me to read the blog. Thanx for it. I like such themes and anything that is connected to this matter. I would like to read more soon.

Anonymous said...

It was rather interesting for me to read the blog. Thank author for it. I like such themes and everything connected to this matter. I would like to read a bit more soon.

Phillip Eastwood said...

You need all the help you can get to keep yourself awake at work, even if you're on the day shift or at night, or else, your performance will drop. If you can manage to go for a nap for 10 minutes during your break, do so, since it will lessen the chance of you dozing off, and you'll have a clearer mind afterward.

Anonymous said...

Found this a couple of years after you wrote it, but boy do I ever need it today -- thanks!
Has some very good suggestions, and is witty and well-written, to boot.